My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
