There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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