i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
