you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
