i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize