Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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