dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Enjoy the penises
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
