VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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