"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
