i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Fuck appropriateness.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
