just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
