I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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