I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
