If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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