She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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