i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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