I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
