who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
