I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
