I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
