This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
