My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
