im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
