I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
