Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
