you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
