she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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