I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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