Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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