my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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