I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
