if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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