Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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