I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
