at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
