Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
