After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am midnight drunk by noon
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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