I just gift wrapped bread.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
