The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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