Where is the hickey?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
