So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize