and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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