I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's always time for handjobs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
