it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
