the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
