Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
