between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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