Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize