my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
