What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
