Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
