something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
