On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
