I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
