hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
