WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
