i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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