Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize