You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
