Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize