i don't like sucking hair
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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