I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Ladies don't puke and tell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
