I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
