I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
