My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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