you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
