so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
