Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
