Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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