My cat gives me a boner
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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