idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I party with great urgency now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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