I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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