you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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