do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
