I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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