You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
