I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
